Wednesday, 15 May 2013

The Watch: Surveillance 2012 0* X-rated

Preview X-rated. Lewd, crude, and rude, as advertised. I tried three times to watch this. First, for an alien lands in your own back yard, what would you do? Got gore. Second for humor, got more cussing than words. Fool me once, shame on you, twice is an idiom. My advice? Watch "Galaxy Quest" instead. Review.

What hides under small-town heaven? Costco junior manager Evan Trautwig (Ben Stiller - do I hate everything he does?) voices overview of his contentment with life in small town Glenview Ohio USA summer, his generous volunteer enthusiasm beyond above. "Good things happen to bad people". Until night security guard friend, new citizen, warns noise "They gave me a gun, okay? And they didn't teach me to use it properly .. back the f- up, okay?" Run, scream, smush, bloody handprints.

One weekend morning, he waves wife for her NY weekend away from "super-boring", arrives to police tape barrier, pal "ripped apart by a wild animal .. one sick son of a b-ch, took the victim's skin". After "f-ck", "screw", I'm not in the mood for school football game, where he asks "Did anyone here cry themselves to sleep last night? .. Tonight my tears have turned to fists .. I'm forming a neighborhood watch to solve the murder .. keep a suspicious eye".

Three join: Bob (Vince Vaughan) "really f-ing it up", Franklin (Jonah Hill) "beers .. bust up heads, vigilante, militia" dropout cop wannabee , and Jamarcus (Richard Ayoade) nerd Brit "most people are disappointed when they meet me .. happily divorced .. fantasy .. sucks my balls". "Doesn't matter what brought us here .. we're all united." "Drinks, Lazy-Boys, flat screens .. pool table". "massages ass cheeks" Drunk night with drunk guys. Tedious rap Boyz in the Hood. As promised - lewd, crude, and rude.

They prowl spooky back yards for evidence, until a growling monster shakes the bushes. Does he look scared, or possessed? Evan sings "Hello" in "friendly tones". With sign language, he offer gum "gum, gum for you" and horrendous giant drools open-jawed and extends claws. "That was stressful".


Spoilers: Through a burning demolished streetscape, Evan concludes "I used to think I had it all. But .. what was it all about without friends .. b-ch .. d-ck .. blow me .. d-che-bag .. sh-t guy turns out to be your best friend .. testicles .. we are not alone .. never fear, the neighborhood watch is .. watching .. for aliens. Skip back to find where Evan smashes it dead with a garden gnome. They snap souvenir shots to "Na, na, na-na-na, na". During "Make it last forever", it comes back to life. "OMG".
1 5 Deleted Scenes: with good reason 1 Costco opening extended, 2 Eulogy (swears justice in Spanish)/Phone call, 3 Abby Car - fertility talk with daughter, 4 Kidnapping Evan - hazing ritual by pals 5 Passing out jackets extend. - like your logo but awesome "tiger with wings" 6 Investigating football field 7 Car crash ext. 8 Chelsea in garage 9 Bressman visits Evan 10 Franklin & Bob in car 11 Teen party 1 ext. 12 Teen party 2 ext.
2 Gag Reel - "suck your balls", "ass of a 12 year old girl", "diarrhea" ....enough
3 Alien Invasions & You - Asks actors "how would you react to invasion", producer Shaw Levy "I'm Canadian, we're not really that macho" - know any Canadian farmers, loggers, hockey or soccer players?
4 Casting the Alien - director Akiva Schaffer "casting a human is patently offensive", alien actor: clicking shrieks subtitled, his name is wierd symbols, videotape covers
5 Preview - different
6 Sneak Peak - Blu-ray, Chasing Mavericks (shown before film), 10 years

Languages - English, Espanol, Francais
Captions - English, Espanol

No comments:

Post a Comment